Tarzan: Agony Uncle #2

Me Tarzan. Me Agony Uncle and 1970's footballer

Me Tarzan

Me Lord of Jungle and Agony Uncle. 

You need help? You come to right place. 

Scared Husband writes.... 

Dear Tarzan, 

I think my wife is having an affair with the neighbour!!

I once caught them behind the bushes laughing and kissing, and I don't know what to do. 

I'm at the end of my tether. 

Help me Tarzan. Please. 

Peter. 39. Essex. 

Tarzan replies... 

Dear Peter

When Jane look at other man, Tarzan kill man. If man big, Tarzan trade Jane for Ox. 

Me like Ox. 

It damn fine and tasty!

When you see neighbour, challenge him to fight. 

Thump your chest, roar like lion and tear off clothes. 

Show him manhood. If manhood big, neighbour will run like Devil-snake.  

If neighbour manhood bigger, trade wife for Ox. 

It for best.

Yours, 

Tarzan. 

Ahheeeeahhheeeeahhhhhhhhh!!!!!