Tarzan: Agony Uncle #4

Me Tarzan. Me Agony Uncle and 1970's footballer

Me Tarzan

Me Lord of Jungle and Agony Uncle. 

You need help? You come to right place. 

Scared and lonely writes... 

Dear Tarzan, 

I recently got together with a new lady, but whilst making love she has asked me to 'talk dirty'. I don't even know where to begin?? Please help. 

What does she mean by 'talk dirty'?

My tether. End of. 

Keith. 48. Kingston. 

Tarzan replies... 

Dear Keith, 

Never fear for Tarzan here! Ahheeeeahhheeeeahhhhhhhhh!!!!! 

Only last night, Tarzan talk dirty to Jane. 

When making Jane happy, she ask Tarzan to say dirty things, so I reply 'Monkey Balls'. 

She ask, 'What did you just say?' I reply even louder 'MONKEY BALLS!!!' 

Jane then ask, 'What on earth do you think you're doing?' 

Tarzan know she want dirty talk so I reply, 'Doing it to you like a great big fat horny hippo.'

She then say, 'Why are you saying such things?' 

Tarzan play along with the dirty talk, and reply, 'Because you are a sexy pig. in mud. And probably poo as well.' 

Jane then tell Tarzan to get off, and she storm up tree. 

If new lady asks you to talk dirty, don't compare her to a pig or a hippo. 

Tarzan knows as he still has bruises. 

Yours, 

Tarzan. 

Ahheeeeahhheeeeahhhhhhhhh!!!!!